About, in a broader sense

My name is Jeremiah and I’ve struggled with issues regarding my physical appearance my whole life. I was (perhaps still am) too fat, unathletic and nerdy to feel included in the vast majority of things kids do in elementary school. During these formative years, I blamed my physical shape (since that was one of the more pointed venues of attack laid upon me by those vicious school children) for my ostracization, but I feel - in retrospect, the issue was much more fundamental to how I perceived myself. It had little to do with what I looked like, which I have since discovered I can change as I wish, but more what I thought I looked like.

At about 16 I lost most of that weight and became more physically mature - the slender benefits of puberty were catching up; significantly in weight loss and filling out. I came more into my own as a person and no longer felt I was held under the pressure of judgment by my peers. For the first time I was happy - and I was free. Free from my own insecurities. The freedom would be short lived as they would came piling back on eventually, but in my late teens, from 16 until my 20th birthday, I did not feel hindered socially by my physical appearance and having been both heavy and clumsy and lean and fit I can tell you - people treat you differently. People are more patient and more friendly to fit looking people. They seem to trust them more. Maybe the difference is in my head, a projection of my own feelings of wellbeing onto others; but I don’t think so.

Thus, I find myself again at the age of 27 trying to rebuild what existed less than 7 years ago. Unlike some, I’m not after returning to the glorious days of high school (which were not glorious) but, rather, return to the physical shape I was in then. I believe, for my whole life, I will struggle to avoid becoming over weight. I suppose I simply have those genes that suit me more for survival in fluctuating times of plenty and famine, but not in times of Hollywood and body dysmorphic disorder.

Thus, the best I can do, is build upon the imperfection. I’m not looking to be perfect and I’ve got nothing perfect about me, but I’ve got a goal and the temerity to attain it.