The end of Chapter 1 AKA, the open secrets.

The general flow of the preceding 3 months was rough, to say the least. Losing 40 pounds in that short span of time was taxing on myself, my relationships and my responsibilities at work. It was difficult, but it was accomplished. So, here I’ll do a bit of a review of the process that took 3 months to go from 219 pounds to 178.5 pounds.

Firstly, two things helped me a great deal. My family and Sparkpeople. My wife was exceptionally patient with me from the beginning to the end. I think, in her own way, she knew she would benefit from a skinnier, healthier husband, but in order to do that, she had to have the patients to put up with my odd emotional outburst. Losing weight is a complicated biochemical process. It’s a path that necessitates blunt force through a delicate corridor. The hormones that regulate weight gain and weight loss also operate as neurotransmitters and work within complicated feedback mechanisms to produce feelings of hunger and satiation. All this means, quite roughly, is that weight fluctuations translate into dramatic mood swings. Insulin, for instance, is an immensely important and complicated player in the process and regulating it by adjusting the available glucose levels appears to have a more dramatic effect on weight loss than simply regulating calories.

I am thus advocating the “Atkins” method to produce rapid weight loss. Now does this necessarily indicate that the weight loss is due to the loss of fat? That answer appears to be yes. A conclusion which appears to be born out by more thorough analyses published in actual respectable journals of medical sciences. For one, from JAMA: (The article is available free to the public here.)

Weight loss was greater for women in the Atkins diet group compared with the other diet groups at 12 months, and mean 12-month weight loss was significantly different between the Atkins and Zone diets (P<.05). Mean 12-month weight loss was as follows: Atkins, –4.7 kg (95% confidence interval [CI], –6.3 to –3.1 kg), Zone, –1.6 kg (95% CI, –2.8 to –0.4 kg), LEARN, –2.6 kg (–3.8 to –1.3 kg), and Ornish, –2.2 kg (–3.6 to –0.8 kg). Weight loss was not statistically different among the Zone, LEARN, and Ornish groups. At 12 months, secondary outcomes for the Atkins group were comparable with or more favorable than the other diet groups.

An early study published in the New England Journal of Medicine, arguably the most elite journal of medical research agrees and found:

Seventy-nine subjects completed the six-month study. An analysis including all subjects, with the last observation carried forward for those who dropped out, showed that subjects on the low-carbohydrate diet lost more weight than those on the low-fat diet (mean [±SD], –5.8±8.6 kg vs. –1.9±4.2 kg; P=0.002) and had greater decreases in triglyceride levels (mean, –20±43 percent vs. –4±31 percent; P=0.001), irrespective of the use or nonuse of hypoglycemic or lipid-lowering medications. Insulin sensitivity, measured only in subjects without diabetes, also improved more among subjects on the low-carbohydrate diet (6±9 percent vs. –3±8 percent, P=0.01). The amount of weight lost (P<0.001) and assignment to the low-carbohydrate diet (P=0.01) were independent predictors of improvement in triglyceride levels and insulin sensitivity.

Theories as to why fat is used differently than sugar is a field in its infancy. A general review can be found here, though any notion in its infancy is always subject to question and being overturned.

The consensus opinion appears to be:

1. Such diets result in greater weight loss compared to control groups
2. They are effective and generally safe for periods examined over the course of 12 months
3. No studies, that I am aware of have assessed their safety beyond 12 months
4. It is safe to remain on the diet 7 days a week, all 12 months, if you have no preexisting medical conditions which would prohibit you from eating large quantities of proteins or fats.

First, let me show you the course of my weight loss:

Make your own decisions there. Two factors combined strongly indicate, to me at least, that after 14 days of nominal weight loss and a sudden rapid resumption of weight loss after switching diet is a good indicator to me that one diet works markedly differently than another. BUT the addition of Alli makes my own personal results questionable. Was it the Alli? Was it the diet? Was it both? My inclination is to believe it is a combination of the two. But, that’s only a small bit of the data. Here is the nutritional data:

The largest difference was in the total number of carbohydrates consumed - the amount of fat I ate as well as the total calories were roughly the same. But, again, that’s not all the data either.

This rather strange chart is the approximate calories I burned by doing a combination of swimming, running and elliptical. Clearly, starting at the month of march, I increased my work out significantly.

In the end, the raw conclusion is that a combination of diet and exercise is necessary to decrease weight. Not a very novel conclusion, I know, and (to make matters worse) there are too many complicating factors to suggest that any one single thing helped the most. Was it the switch to Atkins, the use of Alli or the sudden and extreme increase in cardiovascular exercise that contributed the most to the sudden resumption of rapid weight loss? I don’t know. But that’s the full expose of my secrets.

I also want to thank my father for generating a nice workout schedule, which I did put to good use. Because I injured my knee, I had to substitute swimming for the last four weeks in place of 20 minutes of cardio.

30 pounds GONE.

I’ve lost 30 pounds.  Hellz yeah.  I stepped on the scale today and I thought something was wrong with it.  After almost three weeks of plateauing, I’ve lost 10 pounds in 10 days.  My new plan, which I’ve simply referred to as Victory or Death is working… for the better.  Which is nice.  Since I didn’t really want to die.  So, when my ass stepped on the scale and it was all like “Oh hai!  U way 189 pounds lol.” I was like “OMGWTFRTOFLWWJDKTHXBAI!”  This means that, I’m fairly confident, I will win this competition because my secret is something no normal human being would do.  It’s so horrible and painful and disgusting, that I just don’t see how one could possibly even WANT to do it.  Doing Atkins while taking Alli is torture but unbelievably effective.

Do I have regrets?  Well… I’ve lost some underwear along the way.  My skin is always burning and I can’t wake up in the morning.  Every day I feel horribly hungry but!  BUT!  This is a victory over another group of people I find HORRIBLY OBNOXIOUS.  The people that say this line… i want to punch them in the face.  Even though they’re my friends and I love them dearly, I still want to punch them in the face:

“If you don’t eat, your metabolism slows down and you don’t loose weight.”

*PUNCH*  GODDAMN IT.  If you don’t eat, you loose weight.  PERIOD.  We don’t have magic fairy metabolisms where if you’re starving you just convert the world’s happiness into cute belly fat.  Yes, your metabolism slows down but it doesn’t STOP.  Do you know what happens when your metabolism stops?  You die.  But you can’t argue with these people.  They’re relentless.  OMG YOURE ONLY EATING 800 CALORIES A DAY?!  YOU CANT LOOSE WEIGHT DOING THAT.

I just lost 30 pounds doing it.

Not eating is the greatest diet ever.  Not that I don’t eat.  I do.  I eat less than most people, but I don’t eat over 1000 calories a day.  What isn’t a good idea is to think that not eating will some how keep you from loosing weight.  That’s a diet of stupidity.  Not eating will help you loose weight.  Unless you haver magic fairy metabolism.   Let me give you my general run down on how to loose weight:

1.  Stop eating so much.

That’s it!  With the magic fairy metabolism myth dispelled there’s nothing else to do but follow step 1.  If it isn’t working, see step 1 and consider following it.  If you’re still having problems loosing weight.  You should really stop eating because you’re obviously not following step one.  Seriously.  The fat doesn’t sneak in your thighs while you’re not looking.  You may actually only need to eat 1000 calories day if you’re a 5’ tall woman.  Humans aren’t really that large of animals.  You know, we’re about the size of deer and they get food from eating leaves off bushes.  Not deep fried leaves over duck confit, covered in brown sugar with a side of mashed potatoes and butter.  Deer don’t eat that.  And they’re not fat.  So be like Bamby.  Or better yet, be like Bamby’s mom.  And die.  Here is another step that will HELP you, though it’s not wholly necessary:

2.  Get off your ass and walk.

I’ll admit, it’s hard work getting off your ass.  I love sitting on my ass.  It’s great fun.  But that does nothing.  Getting off your ass and doing work is another way to burn calories and keep your metabolism up (Honestly, what slows your metabolism down more?  Not eating or not doing anything? — The correct answer is B) Seeing as how metabolism is directly associated with the NEED to expend energy which trumps its availability — and if you’re fat, then you have plenty of it, thanks Krebb’s cycle!)

Sickness and Alli

Sickness.  I has is.  I suppose I’ve contracted the plague, but it’s hard to say.  The infection they say starts in the throat and works its way into the lungs, much like a Nigerian bushman’s cock.  I went to the pool today to get some good lung fulls of chlorinated water and then went for a brief run.  I’m pleased to say my throat is feeling better, but I can tell it’s begun its descent into my dirty brown breathing bags.  Goddamn cigarettes.  They did this to me.  I would have been unaffected by this flu this season had I just abstained from the deliciousness of smoking tobacco.

I also started taking Alli.  It’s a weight loss drug that blocks the absorption of fats.  It works - I know it - since my bunghole has finally stopped leaking.  I want to remind everyone that blocking absorption of fat and then eating a huge plate of baby back pork ribs is a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad idea.  Like poop your ass cheeks all day and night bad.

Breaking through the plateau

Each day I doubt it could get any harder and then, the next day, it is indeed harder.  I broke through the “plateau” and lost 4 pounds this week.  I cut carbs down to around 20g a day and my swimming+running/elliptical regiment has really drained me.  Not eating carbs has had the unintended consequence of limiting my dietary consumption so much that I’m under 800 cals a day.  I’m finding myself confused and disoriented a lot now.  It’s no longer a grumpy-hungry feeling but a sort of brain damaged feeling.  Though, I’m quite certain, no brain damage has occurred (so keep your worries to a minimum.)

Plateau

This post was supposed to celebrate the loss of my 20th pound, but it isn’t. Instead it’s about not losing my 20th pound. It was supposed to be psychologically significant because this is the halfway point of my weight loss.

Allow me to essplain:

I’m in a competition, you see, with 7 other people who all chipped in $50 to loose weight. Whoever loses the most weight as per a percentage of weight loss wins $200 (second and third also get money back.) I started out with a BMI that stated I was obese - I weighed about 219 pounds. My objective, in addition to win the contest, is to also end with a BMI that is “normal” or around 183 pounds. That means that by April 1st I need to lose 36 pounds, collect $200 and have completed a total loss of 16.4% of my body weight. I have 52 days left to loose 13 pounds. In the last 46 days I’ve lost 19. Good news, right?
WRONG.  HORRIBLE NEWS.

That image there tells you the horrible story of my weight loss.  As you can see, I must be below the red line AT ALL TIMES to be victorious - but I’m approaching it slowly every day because I’m losing weight slower and slower.  I’ve upped my cardio and maintained my calories but the line…. it’s just… GOING TO KILL ME.

nevermind that.  I’ll be victorious.  Rest assured.  I’d rather be dead than lose.

Angery

SLAM. Down another 3 pounds. It may be 2.5 pounds, but the doctor’s-office-like scale in the locker room wasn’t being too clear. I’ll take the 3, thanks. That means I’m down 18 pounds in 4 weeks and 5 days. Not bad, not bad.

Guess what else. I’m pissed off a lot. I dunno why. It’s driving me insane. The lack of focus is hard. Losing this much weight is difficult. Losing it this fast is… difficulter… uh.

Progress…

Lost 15 pounds since the 4th of January. Sadly, I’ve noted the weight loss has become less and less drastic each time I weigh myself. First it was 9 pounds, then it was 4 and this week it was a mere 2 pounds - a rather humdrum number, all things considered.

But, on the flip side, what is 15 pounds? Well… that’s 150% of the body weight of Zara, which is interesting because the idea of having lost an equivalent volume of fat compared to my dog is revolting. It’s also clearly another pant size. None of the pants I got for Christmas fit now. They all hang off me. It’s recognition from people you see daily. Not like, once in a while, but someone who sees you every day and is like ‘damn. you’re loosing weight.’ These are the tangible signs of victory. But the metrics are howling defeat. TWO POUNDS! That’s almost a healthy weight loss.

My scientific background and anal personality combined to create a very detailed log of food consumption and corresponding caloric intake.

13 pounds down

Well, I’ve managed to loose now 13 pounds since January 4th and let me tell you, I feel like CRAP. The math-o-matics work out to something on the order of 800-1000 calories every day or, to put it into perspective, 4.465 bowls of breakfast cereal with 1% milk. Plus a regimented workout plan created by my very own father, which I’ve decided is too confusing to follow and will be asking for a newer, simplified plan that doesn’t involve bizarre 4 minute bursts of running interspersed between walking and interpretive dance.

It’s not that I miss eating copious amounts of food, mind you. I got over that after about the second week, I just find myself bored and hungry - time I would have otherwise enjoyed being bored and eating, or bored and cooking something in a kiddie pool of butter. But I’ve found new flavors in the foods I eat, that don’t involve deep frying or extensive introduction of exogenous fat. For instance, the difference in flavor between adding 5 tablespoons of butter to a chicken breast and adding none is remarkably small.

But we shall see. My ’small goal’ is 30 pounds by April 1st, to put me at a pleasant 189 pounds. My sinsiter ‘almost killing myself’ goal is only 40 pounds more to put me at a comfy 179 pounds, which I haven’t been at since I started graduate life.

This diet thing

I’m doing this diet thing right now.  It’s horribly painful.  Let me tell you about it:

I weighed 219 pounds at the beginning of this year after returning from the all-you-can-eat-and-drink resort in Mexico.  I get back and hear of this contest in the department about loosing as much weight as possible and winning lots of money, so I entered it.  10 days later I’ve lost 9 pounds and I think I’m still dropping… but it’s killing me.

Like, I have small bouts of Retrograde amnesia where I can’t remember peoples’ names (like my wife’s) or if I zone out while I’m driving I suddenly can’t remember where I’m going.  You know, inconvenient things like that.  It finally culminated in being forced to go home because I couldn’t hold my head up long enough to do chemistry.  I did the maths and found my caloric intake was somewhere around 400 Cal a day plus the aerobics I was doing.

Whoops.

Now I track what I eat and try to keep it around 1200 Cal a day.

No wonder anorexics are flakes.

Chapter 1: The Biggest Loser

Here begins the blog. At the beginning I weighed 219 pounds. I must lose most of that weight to get to a BMI which is more respectable. My goal is to lose 40 pounds by the end of March.

I have entered into a competition with 7 other people. We all pitched in $50 and the 1st place winner takes home $200. Thanks to generous benefactors, by actual take home will be $1000 with matching rewards, which will go toward PAYING DOWN MY HUGE STUDENT LOANS. Which will be nice.